Stones… Feeling them at my back. They are cold, edgy, pointy, and hurting my back. There is no way I can tell what time it is or which day we are on. The place I am in is so dark that opening or closing my eyes doesn´t make any difference. I don´t know if I am in total darkness or blinded. I tried to get up a few times, but my body and muscles were in harmony, not cooperating with me. I have not been able to lift my hand even though I have forced myself to the limits. So I let myself lay on the cold stone floor and wait for what is to come.
So far, no one has come, though I hear distant voices from time to time. They are so distant and I can´t tell if they are some people speaking or some animals growling at each other. And I do not care for the time being. All I do is stare at the pitch-black void in front of me and try to remember who I am. I can see some faint and distant memories of someone when I really force myself, but none relate to me or make any sense. Just watching the faded and distant memories of someone who lived ages ago…
I need to figure out why I am here or why I am lying without any ability to move. I need to concentrate my effort on my body first. No solution will present itself unless I have more knowledge of where I am at. The best thing to do is to silence my mind and focus on my body. I need to start small. As my mind slows down, I relax my body to the best of my abilities to make sure I don´t have contractions. Both my arms are lying parallel to my body. In my mind, I try to picture them. My left arm and hand begin to slowly appear in my mind. I let the images pass till my mind´s eye takes me to my fingers. I gently push myself to lift my thumb. Nothing at first, but just after a couple of seconds, I felt the response in my hand as my thumb was slowly lifted from the cold floor.
A great success for sure and a huge relief since I know now that I am not under the influence of any drug that temporarily paradises me. I let all the faint emotions dim and continue to force myself into movement. As the seconds pass by, I am gaining movement in my hand. This is good news. But with every good news, a bad one is also presenting itself.
The motion in my hand started waves of pain and it is now rushing into my brain. It seems I will be able to move, but I need more time to rest and let my body recover from whatever trauma put me in this position. Time is all I have now to rest, recover and try to remember more bits and pieces to solve the most important dilemma: who I am? And what happened to me?
© panakashi 2023-01-25