How are you doing?

Really ask yourself that. Honestly. Not just the “I am fine” crap you would give the barista at your local coffee shop.

How am I doing?

I am not well.

In these past weeks, I have gone from over the top happiness to devastating despair. My body is failing me. My heart is broken, but at the same time it is clinging to some kind of unreasonable contentment. I am deeply in love with a person who is a conflicted soul and who is keeping me waiting for an answer, an answer that could drastically change my life in two completely different ways.

I am scared in a way I have never been before, it runs through my veins like hot lava. I feel defeated and terribly alive at the same time. In a way, I am grateful for this experience, but at the same time, I wish I could go back and change my actions and words in the past. Every look in the mirror shows me another woman, another part of myself I have never met and I'd rather ban that person into a corner of my mind I will never visit again.